I wish i was in the wii world.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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