is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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