I am puke
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
