Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
