are you so shy because you have an std?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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