I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
