You really coming over, don't trick.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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