I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
