alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
