So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
