anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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