Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
