Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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