and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
