my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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