One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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