Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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