I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize