You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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