either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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