Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
