Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
