maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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