Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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