Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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