Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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