I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So many bounce houses so little time
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
