You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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