Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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