respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
