We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
