matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
