i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
