Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
