just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
