If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize