I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
