also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
