God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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