i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
