why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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