There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
