In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
