Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
