I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
