the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we're making bets on your personal life
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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