Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
