you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
