so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
