You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
