just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
