They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
