The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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