Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
