You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
