already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
