Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
