Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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