In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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