CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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