i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
