Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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