franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize