I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
