So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
