We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
