Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
where are my eyebrows?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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