im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
