five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
