ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize