i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
