highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
