why didn't you poke me back
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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