What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
