Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
