I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
