So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
