Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
