if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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