TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
